I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
