Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
