I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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