If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
