She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
