he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
