Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
