That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
