How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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