Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
