I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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