My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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