I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize