we have officially lost it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
