Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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