i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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