i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
