She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
