he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
