I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Still dying that you shit outside
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
