Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
