remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize