What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
