I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
