You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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