oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
