Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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