It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
