Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
