I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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