We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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