Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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