What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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