Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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