As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
