Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
