I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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