also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
