i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
