the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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