i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
