she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
