Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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