The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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