I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
