You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
