I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
