help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
