My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
