My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize