i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
