I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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