brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
