On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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