considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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