Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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