If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
