The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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