Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
