im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
