News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
