We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
