the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
