i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
