I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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